an alphabet of thanks “T”

google images

google images

Tough Times. Double “T”. No, I am not a saint because I say this. I don’t like tough times anymore than the next person. I wouldn’t purposefully choose tough times. And certainly it depends what tough times we’re talking about. I am not referring to terminal illness, death, unemployment etc., But I am referring to those times when life is just tough. Lots is going on in our lives. It usually involves relationships.

When I look back on my life, I know it’s been the tough times that have defined me, that have forced me to grow. I’m not one of those who believe that one can’t learn during the good times. I have. But the learning of the qualities that make me better person certainly has been the result of the struggles, depression ( being one of them.

Depression is one of those struggles I certainly wouldn’t knowing choose or willingly take on. Yet, it has been that struggle to remain firmly planted on a rock that has made me a better person. I will admit though, that much like a “recovered ” anything, I sometimes seem less sympathetic. Not because I don’t understand the struggle but because I don’t accept any self-indulgence or self-pity. It simply doesn’t help.

If you’re going through difficult times, I’m certainly not suggesting you should be grateful for it. I don’t mean that at all.  But I’m just saying that for me, it’s how I’ve grown.

an alphabet of thanks “N”

Steinlausweibchen, frei nach Loriot.
Steinlausweibchen, frei nach Loriot. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today I’m thankful  for my naiveté. My family is always kidding my about how naïve I am about some things. For example, if a family member tells me something outlandish, (like there’s such a thing as a Michigan peacock) I’m very apt to believe them because of course, they wouldn’t lie. I easily fall for practical jokes therefore  people love to pick on me.

The first definition for naïve in the dictionary is “inexperienced”.That’s not me. I’ve experienced enough of life to know its reality.  Another definition is “youthful”. Young people are generally considered naïve. Young people generally trust and believe in people. Young people believe in possibilities. I’ll take this definition.

I trust and believe in people to my detriment at times. I often walk into situations where I can’t win no matter what because I always believe people can change. I’m naïve enough to believe most people like me. I’m always surprised when people don’t play fair. I guess I really am naïve.

But that’s o.k. I rather be the one picked on than the one that does the picking . I’d rather be easy to play a joke on than so sophisticated no one would dare. I rather be naïve and see the wonder of life, than so jaded I can only see the ugly.

I’ll admit it. I’m naïve. I’m naïve enough to believe that God still performs miracles. I’m naïve enough to believe that my prayers really matter. I’m naïve enough to believe that God is who He says He is, that He can do what He says He can do, that I am who God says I am, and that I can handle anything God allows in my life. Call me naïve want. I call myself smart.

contemplating our navels

google images

google images

Have you ever noticed how some people just like to “think” about doing things rather than actually doing them? It’s like they feel if they think about it enough and talk about it enough, they’ve actually done it. It’s a case of “contemplating their navels” and all it does it get at the lint.

My hubby hates it when I remind him of one of my favorite sayings, “Doing does it”. Isn’t that a great statement? There is so much in life to which we give too much thought and not enough action. It’s even worse than procrastination. At least with procrastination, a person usually knows that’s what they’re doing, or rather not doing.

Even though I generally post about depression on “”, I’m posting here today as well. I read a lot of blogs about a lot of issues. I’ve noticed there’s a lot of “talking” and “talking” and “talking” about issues. In some cases, it seems that’s all some people are doing.The truth is when it comes to depression or any mental disorder, talking about it only works in the short-run. Why do you think psychiatrists keep the “talking” to one hour? (Of course, who could afford more than one hour anyway?) It’s because they know that over talking and over analyzing is not productive We need to convert our words into actions.

I’ve known way too many people who talk way too much about their depression and do way far too little actually acting on their words. When all we do is talk about our depression, it’s an excuse to avoid working on it. We confuse our words with our actions and we convince ourselves we have in deed done something constructive about our illness. We don’t have to do anything because our many words have convinced us that we already have.

I’m not suggesting that talking things out can’t be helpful. It can, if it’s sandwiched between some action. I’m not talking from the top of my head. I did it for years. I kept talking about my depression as though somewhere in all the talking I’d accidentally stumble upon the solution. I never did. But when I started working on my depression by examining all the areas of my life that were functioning poorly, that’s when I started getting better.

Even now I’m careful about over-analyzing my moods. Instead I acknowledge that I’m human, that a bad mood doesn’t mean anything. But if I were to always be looking for a reason, I’d probably find one out of desperation just to make myself feel better. Yes, as I’ve said often, there is always a reason for our moods but there isn’t always a reason to get to the bottom of it unless we sense a serious episode is looming.

Quit thinking about your depressionand talking our your depression incessantly. Instead take one practical small step to get better.That first step will be the hardest but each step gets easier as you continue on your journey.

God bless.

no fair

some thing just aren't fair

some thing just aren’t fair

Whoa! Where would one begin? Globally, nationally, state-wide, or right in my own home? There’s lot of unfairness in this world. I would not be able to list all the examples in life I feel are unfair:

  • Starvation
  • Bullying
  • Catastrophic illness
  • Catastrophic illness and no insurance
  • Old-age
  • Denial of basic human rights
  • Depression

That the rich get richer while the poor get poorer.

I could go on ad infinitum. But navel gazing isn’t good. Besides a lot of what is unfair in this world sits squarely on our shoulders. A lot of the unfairness of this world is not because GOD has done anything but because we have done nothing.

There couldn’t possible be a hungry child if we all did our part. Bullying couldn’t exist without the bully’s. Parents are responsible to see their children are not bully’s. Mine weren’t. Not ever. Not once. They were taught to value people and they were also brought up in fear of the consequences if they did. They didn’t want “no mama trouble.”

Illness will strike but we can do our best to maintain a healthy life-style.

We can’t do anything about old-age but we can learn to be our best at any age.

We can write our congressman about lack of human rights around the world. We can pray. We can become knowledgable about what we can do.

Depression. A big one for me. But there is so much we can do about our depression. Depression can be defeated. (see

We can’t do anything about another’s financial success except to make sure that our lack of it is not to due to lack of initiative or poor choices.  (Besides, not all people want or seek financial success and everyone’s definition is different anyway.) At the same time we need to be aware that these people made sacrifices, some of which cost them dearly. Maybe we didn’t want to make those sacrifices.

I see unfairness every day and wonder about it. I know the adage that says “Whoever said life was fair?” but that brings little comfort. As long as evil people exist, unfairness will exist. But as long as good people exist, there is hope.

an epiphany

(Heads up! This is a re-post from way back when. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know how the technical side of blogging  has been a steep learning curve for me. I’m re-writing some very early blogs because I did so much wrong in those early days. Like wrong tags, no tags, no categories, etc. I like to think I know so much more now. 🙂 Some of these early posts set the stage for subsequent posts. I’m not re-posting just to re-post. I’ve spent even more time on these re-posts than I did the originals. I will always let you know when I’m re-posting something which won’t be too often. Thanks for understanding.)


This blog finally became reality when I decided (after years of procrastination) to paint my dining room hutch. When I see this “before” picture,  I remember how much I disliked it for years.

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Here it is in progress.

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The thought of possibly ruining it kept me paralyzed. But one  morning I knew the time had come. I was up early and painting by 10:00 a.m.  For some reason, that morning’s resolve was an epiphany. After years of studying my nemesis, depression, and coming to terms with where I wanted my life to go, it just all finally came together like a really good recipe. It seemed as though during the night God had silently imprinted on my mind,  “Go ahead and enjoy your life. Take some chances. It’s o.k. I approve.”

Here it is decorated for Christmas. Since then, I’ve filled the shelves with creamy white accessories. I love it. I’ve yet to finish the table and chairs only because I can’t find chairs I want so I’ll probably just paint the chairs I’ve got.

edited copy 2 Continue reading

my box at God’s feet

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I’m going to briefly share a concept I believe God gave me a long time ago about how to “keep our thoughts” captured as written in II Corinthians 10:5. Most Christians know this verse but very few know how to do it. Just try to talk yourself into not thinking certain thoughts almost guarantees that you will.

So years ago when I was fighting depression, in particular without medication, I learned this technique. I will be sharing this at as well. But seeing as how it works for me now on what I consider just some “bad days”  I’m sharing it here as well.

I used this technique just this morning during my devotional time. Continue reading

Help! An envy worm has shown up

from Google images

from Google images

Today I encountered a new “worm”. Or should I say an old “worm” that just hadn’t shown its head for quite a while. The worm that’s eating my apple today is comparison and envy.

Our moods can easily plummet when we let our guard down even a little. I’m having  a perfectly wonderful day. Hubby and I are going to visit our precious two little grandsons for a few days (ages two and four). It’s been almost five weeks!!!!!For us that’s a week too long. In an upcoming long post I’m going to share with you the story of our youngest grandson. It’s quite a story. I think you’ll laugh, cry (which is why it’s taking me some time to finish)  and feel inspired all at once. I did. Anyway, moving on…… Continue reading

a bookworm is eating my apple

Hmm, the latest book I’ve read.  (I’m responding to Word Press’s daily prompt, bookworm. )  I’m always reading more than one so how do I pick?

One of M. Scott Peck’s books? I usually have one of John Ortberg’s or Andy Stanley’s always open. Then there’s “Simple Abundance” by Sarah Ban  Breathnach for more practical inspiration.

There are novels by John Grisham, Scott Turow, David Baldacci.

Saving Faith

Saving Faith (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So many books, so little time. Sigh. I didn’t even mention the magazines, the books on my Nook, etc. I’m an avid reader in case you haven’t figured it out already.

In my previous battle against depression, they have proven to be my friends. The kind of friends I can count on to keep quiet and let me process. The kind of friends who when needed, get in my face.

Oh, I forgot myold  standby, Spiritual Depression by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones. I just ordered a second book because my first one is really marked up. I can always tell if depression is sneaking up on me if I have this book open. 

I read this book when I want to determine if my relationship with God is where it should be. I don’t want to confuse a spiritual issue with depression.(Depression’s voice can often be misleading and it’s important to accurately know what’s causing our low mood.)  This book always helps me in this regard. It was written in 1965 before all the books that tell us we needn’t feel guilty about anything, that nothing is really a mistake, that we’re all winners,……..

untitledHere’s a sampling.

Regeneration, the work of God in the soul by which He implants a principle of divine and spiritual life within us, does not change a person’s temperament. Your temperament still remains the same.  The fact that you have become a Christian does not mean that you cease to have to live with yourself.  You will have to live with yourself as long as you are alive, and yourself is your self and not anyone else’s self.”

Then there’s Dallas Willard’s whose  “Hearing God”,  I’ve read many times and still don’t feel I understand what he’s saying. It’s the only book I’ve ever read where I feel like a dunce. I highly recommend it, especially if you want your mind challenged.

Cover of "Hearing God: Developing a Conve...

Cover via Amazon

I hope you’re a reader. Reading opens a whole new world. For example, I never knew so much about zoos till I read “The Life of Pi”. I didn’t even know I wanted to know about zoos and wild animal management till I read the book.

I love Julie Cameron’s book and Kathleen Norris’s. I am quite happy to have a stack of books everywhere. It’s the one exception to a neat house rule.

The next time you have a choice between television and a book, pick a book.

an explanation


an explanation

Some things I need to explain.  I realized (should have sooner) that the title of this blog isn’t working.  I mean, really, who “googles” worms, unless you’re into nature, fishing or some other science field?

So, I started another blog called “”.  Already, it has taken off because the title is appropriate to the content.  While I will continue to post to this blog, it will probably be evolving and become more of a site for DIY projects and various other subjects as I develop it more.  I will eventually change its name although I really, really, like it.  It says so much about life and depression.  Oh, well……live and learn. 

So if you started following this blog because it focused on depression, you will want to follow “”.  Hope to see you there.

(I hope I’m not the only blogger out in blogland that has had a false start.  Stay with me.)


a blank canvas


a blank canvas

Today I “googled” best times of day to blog and frequency of days. Just when I was beginning to think it wasn’t a good idea to post often, I learn that it really is. Plus, I was getting discouraged. It’s really hard to get noticed when your main topic is depression and you’ve decided that Facebook is not a place you want to have your posts show up because (1.) you’re afraid of what people (family, in particular) will think and (2) you also figure knowing that there are people you know who are following you might impede your freedom. Whew! That was one long sentence.

But here I am, back again, trusting that if I’ve felt that inner prompting to blog, it must be right and I must be patient.

Today is a blank canvas. I’ve had a cold the last couple of days and have laid on the couch like a potato. Today, it’s “get moving” day. The day stretches before me like a white blanket of snow with no tracks yet. What kind of tracks am I going to make? Are they going to be deep, the plodding, lumbering kind? Or are they going to barely dent the snow as I skip on? I’m determined that this blank canvas of mine is going to be filled by tonight with people I’ve connected with, things I’ve accomplished, and a heartfelt connection with God.

What kind of footprints are you going to leave today on your canvas? Are you wondering if you can even get up off the couch? I’m here to tell you:

You can.

I didn’t conquer my depression by lying around thinking about it. I was determined there was excellent mental health waiting for me if I faced my culpability and changed some things. That’s why two or three days of indulging a head cold can’t continue for me or it will lead to repeating the “couch” behavior over and over again-this time for no good reason.

It’s early (at least in time zone). Don’t let this day go forward without leaving something positive behind. Don’t get to evening and realize your canvas is still blank.

Despite what you might think, you, and you alone, can determine what this day will look like. No matter how you feel. No matter your circumstances. Your canvas doesn’t have to remain blank.