Where I might as well jump, is to finish my book about depression and send it to a publisher. Or maybe even self-publish. It’s not that I’m afraid it isn’t good. I’m actually very pleased with it. I know it would need editing but the content is right on. I’m an expert on me. I know what techniques worked for me in this battle and I know they will work for other people because they already have.
I’m not even afraid of whether it will be well-received or even ever sell one copy. I would like it to but that’s not why I wrote it. What I’m afraid of is people who know me will judge me. It’s not that they don’t know I’ve dealt with depression but to reveal so much of myself and my struggles in such a personal way is really scary to me.
I think I’m actually embarrassed by it because I know I’ve really had no reason to ever suffer an episode. But that’s what has made depression so awful-the fact that I have a wonderful husband, a good quality of life, great children, friends, lots of interests, and most importantly my relationship with my God and yet there’s been depression always lurking in the shadows of my mind. I feel somehow that I’ve “used” my depression to justify feeling sorry for myself.
But I digress.
What would it take for me to take the leap? Well, I feel like I have to a degree. Blogging has given me the opportunity to put myself out there but, of course, it’s very safe. And I have a hunch I’m still holding back a little. My husband follows my blogs, but I’ve asked my children not to. I don’t post from my other blog to Facebook and am selective what I post from this blog. So all this manuevering probably shows that I’m not quite as out there as I think I am.
I’ll bet I’m one of the few people whose “might as well jump” post is about something that seems so innocuous and safe. But for me, this is it.
- Depression in Men (everydayhealth.com)