We are getting hammered with snow here in Michigan, over a foot within twenty-hours. The snow is so heavy the pine tree’s that border our house on three sides look like they’ve been frosted with the most beautiful white frosting ever. They are almost bent over to the ground. The patio lights that border a path in my garden are completely covered but the light shines up through the snow like through a sheet of gauze. It’s all so breathtakingly beautiful.
I like getting snowed in (as long as I have everything I need). I find snowy days like today help me think. Probably because I know I can’t go anywhere. I like sipping my hot tea and sitting in my “prayer” chair and just thinking. I try to avoid introspection however.
Today I thought about some people in my life for whom I’m their major source of comfort, advice and encouragement. They’re needs are unique and so I respond to each of them accordingly. Sometimes though, their “neediness” overwhelms me, not because I resent it but because I can’t always help. So today I somewhat calculatedly prioritized who needed me the most. I didn’t categorize it by their issues but by their support system. If they have a support system in addition to me, I can back off a little. (I hope that makes sense to all of you.) It might seem “cold” but I had to. Here’s why.
There’s only one of me. My hubby has to remind me of that often. I easily forget that I don’t have as much stamina and emotional energy as I think I do, especially when they all need me at the same time. That ultimately (with the adults anyway) the buck stops with them. Besides, if I’m going to be available for them in the long run, I have to pace myself.
It really helped me analyze their individual circumstances to determine how to divide my time. I know there will be days I will still try to meet everyone’s needs all at the same time. I suffer from “knight on a white horse” syndrome. But that’s o.k. I believe we’re on this earth to help each other. Besides there might come a time when I’m not needed and I’ll just bet that will be even harder for me.
I’ll end this short post with something I try to always remember. I can’t quote the source because I don’t know who it is, but here goes.
“Do as much as you can,
for as many people as you can,
in as many ways as you can,
for as long as you can.”
- Snowy day on the Moors (amyorangejuice.wordpress.com)