how do we know?-part three
We cancelled our trip. Took my mom to the doctor. She isn’t “playing wolf” this time at all. She has pneumonia. She’s still seriously depressed as well. There are no confusions, no doubt and no regrets with this decision to stay home.
Do I wish we could still go? Of course. Am I feeling the pain? Of course. But remember what I said yesterday about whose pain would be the worse? Who might tolerate the pain the best? Her pain would be the worse if I left. Mine I can handle.
I really needed a break. At least I thought I did. God thought otherwise. I could’ve still gone as my brother lives with her but it was clear what I should do.
I’ve looked back over my process of decision-making and realize it’s been right on-track. It hasn’t been without emotion. It hasn’t been without a lot of going back and forth. It hasn’t been without a lot of prayer and thinking through what I know God wants of me overall.
I also mentioned that “feeling” peace is not necessarily the result of a right decision-even a decision God has made clear.
The right decision is the right decision.
The peace that God provides passes understanding, therefore we can’t define it. But we know when we have it. Knowing we’ve made the right decision results in a quiet confidence. A quiet confidence that God has done the leading and we have done the following.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m disappointed my plans had to be cancelled. I was so looking forward to relaxing in the sun. Collecting shells on the beach. Reading one book after another. Walking the beach and listening to the waves. My mom is not going to change but my anger with her over the past few days has been wondrously replaced with a warm and tender love. With all my frustration with her, I love her deeply and want only the best for her.
As I fell asleep last night, I reminded myself of Proverbs 3:5 & 6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.”
I knew this morning what my decision would be.It came as easily as deciding between coffee with cream or without. (It’s always without.) It kind of surprised me in it’s quick acceptance in my heart. I didn’t fight against it. It was simply the right decision and needed no more thought.
God is so good. When we ask for wisdom, he gives it. We may take many detours to find it. We may have to muddle through many options. We may take one path of thinking only to turn around and take another less traveled. It may seem as if God’s playing with us. We feel like a hamster on a wheel that God keeps turning. But if we hang in there, the wheel stops and we can get off.
I hope the only decisions I have to make for awhile are whether or not I’ll wear the red sweater or the black one.