how do we know?-part three


how do we know?-part three

We cancelled our trip. Took my mom to the doctor. She isn’t “playing wolf” this time at all. She has pneumonia. She’s still seriously depressed as well. There are no  confusions, no doubt and no regrets with this decision to stay home.

Do I wish we could still go?  Of course. Am I feeling the pain? Of course.  But remember what I said yesterday about whose pain would be the worse? Who might tolerate the pain the best? Her pain would be the worse if I left. Mine I can handle.

I really needed a break. At least I thought I did. God thought otherwise.  I could’ve still gone as my brother lives with her but it was clear what I should do.

I’ve looked back over my process of decision-making and realize it’s been right on-track. It hasn’t been without emotion. It hasn’t been without a lot of going back and forth. It hasn’t been without a lot of prayer and thinking through what I know God wants of me overall.

I also mentioned that “feeling” peace is not necessarily the result of a right decision-even a decision God has made clear.

The right decision is the right decision.

The peace that God provides passes understanding, therefore we can’t define it. But we know when we have it. Knowing we’ve made the right decision results in a quiet confidence. A quiet confidence that God has done the leading and we have done the following.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m disappointed my plans had to be cancelled. I was so looking forward to relaxing in the sun. Collecting shells on the beach. Reading one book after another. Walking the beach and listening to the waves. My mom is not going to change but my anger with her over the past few days has been wondrously replaced with a warm and tender love. With all my frustration with her, I love her deeply and want only the best for her.

As I fell asleep last night, I reminded myself of Proverbs 3:5 & 6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.”

He did.

I knew this morning what my decision would be.It came as easily as deciding between coffee with cream or without. (It’s always without.) It kind of surprised me in it’s quick acceptance in my heart. I didn’t fight against it. It was simply the right decision and needed no more thought.

God is so good. When we ask for wisdom, he gives it. We may take many detours to find it. We may have to muddle through many options. We may take one path of thinking only to turn around and take another less traveled. It may seem as if God’s playing with us. We feel like a hamster on a wheel that God keeps turning. But if we hang in there, the wheel stops and we can get off.

I hope the only decisions I have to make for awhile are whether or not I’ll wear the red sweater or the black one.

how do we know?-part two

various 233 

how do we know?-part two

This is a quick follow-up.

I just want you to know that my decision-making process has begun all over again because of new developments.  Developments that took me by surprise and threaten to completely mess everything up.

Remember I said in the last post that I was counting on God to make it clear if I am to change course. I should’ve added that it’s sometimes hard to know if God is telling us to change course or if it’s the enemy’s (you can call him what you want) way of causing us to doubt what God has revealed.  This can be very difficult to figure out.

There are some who would say otherwise but I try to avoid contact with these people as they are generally living with their heads in the clouds.  It would be wonderful if life were easy to figure out. Maybe for some people it is. Their life is easy, without conflict and things just fall into place. My life is not like that right now-not all.  It’s complicated. Very. And just a few hours ago, it got a lot more complicated.

So how will I know now what to do? I have a very narrow window in which to make a decision.  I’m honestly not trying to be vague.. But the details of what’s happening in my life or yours are not as important as discussing this whole business of decision-making overall. It needs to be general enough to help everyone.

I can tell you this much. There is a very manipulative person in my life trying to call the shots.  But if I’m aware of that, you ask, why can’t I just move on? Well, this same person is very elderly and not emotionally stable having suffered severe depressive episodes their entire life. Our decision is whether we leave on a trip tomorrow or not. If I had days to write and you had days to read, I still wouldn’t be able to explain it all to you. It’s that involved.

So once again I’m on my knees, if only figuratively. This morning the decision was made to go. We’ve rented the car. We’ve stopped the mail. We’re completely packed. Are you getting the picture? Now I’m having to reconsider. But I’m very proud of the fact that once again wisdom has been provided and once again I’m on the right track in my thinking. Tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment will seal the deal one way or the other.

I am so hoping this will now be an easy decision to make but if history with this person is any indication, it won’t be. This is leading me to make a final point about decisions. A decision that is right for us may not feel that way to someone else. What do we do if our decision is going to cause pain? It depends on the pain and whose going to feel it, doesn’t it?

Whose pain is going to be greater? Why does it even have to be about their pain or ours?  I didn’t realize until I started to post tonight that this is what this decision is all about. Their pain or mine? I can handle a lot. I have a track record that proves it. But I may be at the end of how much pain even I can endure.

So here I am tonight. Not looking forward to tomorrow. Knowing there’s no way, no matter what decision I make, that I’m going to come out on top. Finally, God knew all this was going to happen so he must have a plan. Tomorrow it will unfold. I am trusting God will once again put a stumbling block in the way if going ahead with our trip is wrong. If he doesn’t I’m going to assume it’s still a go. God is not a God of confusion. Scripture is clear about that. If I’m confused tomorrow about what to do, it will be my own confusion that I must muddle through.