how some people CAN get better


hhow some people CAN get better

The coffee decanter shattered on the floor in dozens of pieces echoing my shattered emotions. I was very anxious about my mother’s upcoming doctor’s appointment that afternoon.  What if the doctor didn’t realize what was going on?  I didn’t want to steer her to make a diagnosis. I was sure what was going on but didn’t want to influence the doctor on the outside chance I was wrong.  I knew this was probably the most important office visit I’d ever had with my mother. What would I do if it didn’t go the way it should? I couldn’t take much more frustration.

Please read “why some people won’t get better for a better understanding of what my thinking had been up till this visit. (http://theworminmyapple.com/2013/01/24/why-some-people-wont-get-betterlife-issues-depression/)  I was about ready to throw my hands up and quit trying to help her.

As you know, I am a Christian-the kind that believes in a God with whom I can have a personal relationship.  I read a Proverbs every day along with my usual Bible study routine. I had been praying for months for wisdom where my mother was concerned. It seemed in short supply recently.

Anyway……..

We went to the doctor. I prompted my mother to tell her doctor exactly how she’d been feeling. She did. The doctor took a few minutes and carefully examined her records. She looked at my mother and told her in a very direct manner that there was nothing physically wrong with her and that all her symptoms were consistent with a diagnosis of depression. It is  what I had hoped to hear for I was pretty sure it was depression but I hadn’t been able to convince my mother.  She needed to hear it from her doctor.  She’s of the era where the doctor is always right. The interesting thing is my mother has been on anti-depressants for years! She just wasn’t willing to admit that all her physical problems originated from depression.

I wondered how she would take it. Would she buy into this diagnosis?  Would she try to make some changes? She had not tried very hard in the past. She had let depression consume her. I witnessed it my entire life (which might be the very reason I was so adamant to learn how to manage my own depression). The doctor took it a step further when she declared, “Your daughter can’t do this for you.” I felt my heart starting to meld back together.

But I did have a suggestion for the doctor.  Could she be deficient in vitamin B-12?  Would an injection help? I had read that a B-12 deficiency is very common in senior citizens. The doctor hadn’t thought of that but she felt it was worth a try. If it works she can have them every month.

That was last week. Before, she was sleeping about twenty hours a day Now she’s getting out of bed and getting dressed. Before, she was maybe eating a piece of toast a day. She’s eating now.  Before, she showed absolutely no interest in anything.  Today she agreed to  visit a friend tomorrow. She’s even doing a little cooking.

The wisdom I needed came from the doctor. I thought it would come to me but chose another recipient and delivered it in spades this time.

For the first time in months, I feel some hope where my mother is concerned.  At the same time, I feel like it’s out of my hands and I think some part of me preferred thinking there was yet something I could do.  Now I know there isn’t.  My mother’s future remains totally within her. I’ll continue to do my best for her but her ultimate freedom from depression is up to her.

Can she change at her age?  Yes, I believe she can. Since a week ago, there have been some setbacks and I’ve tried to overlook those and focus on the progress I see her making even if it is one step forward and two steps back.  I see her courage and willingness to face this head-on which is pretty remarkable after a lifetime of using her depression as an excuse.

Time will tell. If you have a loved one struggling with depression, I hope this post gives you hope.  And I hope you can accept the fact that you cannot undue someone else’s depression.

God bless.

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why some people won’t get better


Yea, got it figured out. Was an AOL problem.  Resubmitting

why some people won't get better

why some people won’t get better

Today is a hard day. I’m facing more difficult decisions. They will affect another person but will affect me even more.  I’ve looked back over my posts titled, “how do you know” which outlines some of the procedures I’ve used in the past. I hope they serve me well today.

I’ve done as much homework as I can. The truth is no matter what I decide it involves another person coming on board and doing their part. That’s the dilemma because  they probably won’t. Which brings me to my post for today. Actually it’s more of a philosophical question.

Why do we work so hard at the unhealthy things we do and not for the healthy ones?

Some examples:  Sometimes I work harder at finding excuses for doing something when if I just got up and did it, it would take less time than all the time it takes me to talk myself out of it. Like exercise.

It takes more effort for me sometime to avoid  making that phone call than it does to actually making it.  Doctor and dentist appointments. Haircuts. The list goes on. But eventually I do make the right decision and do what is best for me.

But what about all the people who don’t?  And we all know many of them.  They are the perpetual “thinking about doing but never doing kind of people”. They are the ones who because they’ve thought about it so much they actually believe they’ve done it!  I know a number of people like that.

With depression it’s a thousand times worse.  It takes so much more effort to move and to get dressed, to do something constructive.  I know. I’ve been there.  More than once.  But I don’t intend to get there again.

But the person I’m concerned about today, the one where my actions might drastically affect her life has never shown that kind of initiative.  So the question for me is how far do I go in pushing them? Can I even?  In my case, what worked for me? Was it someone pushing me or someone nudging me a little now and then?

And did any of it make a difference? Was the answer within me the whole time? Somewhere so deep that I had to get to the bottom of the pit to find it.  But what if one can get to the bottom of the pit and not even know it? I’m beginning to think it’s possible.  I’m beginning to think that some people will never experience that feeling of being so low they can’t go on because they simply refuse to. And if they refuse to see how far they’ve fallen, I’m not sure they will ever see the rope that is dangling down to help them. They will continue to sabotage their own efforts and nothing anybody can do will change things. They refuse to believe the answer is in them. It’s always somebody else or something else.

The worst part? Their actions, or lack of them,  end up affecting everyone else.

I’ve always said that if I knew why some people are motivated to change and others aren’t, I would be a rich woman.  It takes far more effort than it does talent, abilities and intellect to reach ones’ goals. Ask anyone who’s accomplished their goals and they will tell you the same thing.

Even developing this blog has been more about determination and tenacity than it has been anything else. I don’t even know the blogging lingo. It took me forever to understand widgets, url’s, hyperlinks, etc., and yet I’ve finally got this blog up and running. I’m linked to Google and Twitter. Again, it was sheer determination. I’m about as technically challenged as they come.

This post has been more of a venting today than anything else. But I trust that my venting touched a core of truth with someone. And might I add, if there’s someone in your life who is sincerely trying to help you in some way, please at least listen.  Even in your depression try to hear the voices of those trying to help. But remember, you are the only one who can do the work required to lift your depression and then manage it. Oh, you may need assistance from your doctor. You may need some short-term medication. But in the long run, it will be up to you.

p.s. I just reviewed this post.  I think I wrote this to me and for me. I think perhaps I needed to hear this from my own words.  God surely does work in mysterious ways.

spiritual exchanges


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spiritual exchanges

This entire post is from “the me I want to be” by John Ortberg.

“Dr. Jilll Taylor was a thirty-seven-year-old, Harvard-trained brain scientist who suffered a massive stroke.  The left side of her brain, which regulates speech and linear thinking, was devastated.  For many months she lay in a hospital bed, unable to carry on a conversation.  She writes of how even though she could not understand the words people were saying to her, she became intensely aware of whether the people approaching her were enhancing her sense of life or depleting it. 

I experienced people as concentrated packages of energy ……..although I could not understand the words they spoke, I could read volumes from their facial expression and body language. I paid very close attention to how their energy dynamics affected me.  Some people brought me energy while others took it away.”

At a level deeper than words, deeper than exchanging information, every interaction with another person is a spiritual exchange. Some people are life-bringers to us. They increase our energy, deepen our hope, add to our joy, and call out the best in us. Other people are life drainers.  They add to our anxiety and invite us to cynicism.  We find ourselves becoming defensive, depressed, or exasparated.

living below the clouds


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living below the clouds
 
It’s not easy maintaining a positive attitude when dark clouds seemed stalled over your head  and there’s a lot of stuff going on below. (By the way, that’s where I am right now.) While there is a break in the clouds on occasion, mostly it’s overcast. God seems to have spread a gray sheet between Him and us. 
Would you agree we all have days like that? Sometimes a number of them in a row.  We’re not clinically depressed. We don’t need medication.  We don’t need therapy. 
 
We just need a break from the unrelenting cloud-shrouded life.  
I find when I’m under grey clouds it helps to remember the transient nature of clouds.  Even today as I write the sky overhead can’t seem to make up its mind.  Will the clouds be given permission to part so the sun can shine through or will they remain huddled together in a solid mass?  
 
I find I respond two ways to the dark clouds. If I’m already having a contemplative day, I might actually prefer clouds. I think you know what I mean. There’s something that appeals to us when the sky matches our mood. It’s like friends. When we’re in the dumps we usually seek friends who we know will try to match our moods in their manner of speech, and choice of words. We don’t need them to act depressed, of course, but we don’t want someone who acts too cheerful either. It’s insulting. Sometimes a pep talk is needed but not in a” rah, rah, cheerleader mode.  I try to make sure I act appropriately as well when I’m the one listening. Something I experienced a few years ago brought that home to me.  
 
 I once mentioned in a group of people how fortunate I felt when compared to the rest of the world. One individual, (I later learned) felt I thought myself “better” than other people. (By the way, I still feel fortunate.) I guess it’s all how you look at things. Glass half-empty or glass half full. I wasn’t aware that this person was struggling with some serious issues. To someone who wasn’t feeling very blessed himself, my remarks must have felt like cold water splashed in his face. 
 
I’ve since learned to be careful how I share these kinds of things. I try to remember that while my clouds have moved for the time being, someone else’s clouds have just shown up. I wished he could have seen my past and the clouds that once hovered over me as well or the clouds that are hovering now.
 
Now, if I’ve planned a day to stay inside and pursue a creative project, I kind of like gray days. But if I’m feeling really down, I don’t want the gray clouds; I want the sun. I want something to interrupt my mood and cheer me up. When the gray clouds are not welcome, I remind myself that clouds, by their very nature, move. (Of course, if you live in Michigan as I do, you might have to wait weeks, not days.) If I keep putting one foot in front of the other the sun eventually does break through.  My mood gets better. I see things more clearly. It’s just the unrelenting nature of life.  All we have to do is look above us and wait for the sky to change.
 
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how do we know?-part three


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how do we know?-part three

We cancelled our trip. Took my mom to the doctor. She isn’t “playing wolf” this time at all. She has pneumonia. She’s still seriously depressed as well. There are no  confusions, no doubt and no regrets with this decision to stay home.

Do I wish we could still go?  Of course. Am I feeling the pain? Of course.  But remember what I said yesterday about whose pain would be the worse? Who might tolerate the pain the best? Her pain would be the worse if I left. Mine I can handle.

I really needed a break. At least I thought I did. God thought otherwise.  I could’ve still gone as my brother lives with her but it was clear what I should do.

I’ve looked back over my process of decision-making and realize it’s been right on-track. It hasn’t been without emotion. It hasn’t been without a lot of going back and forth. It hasn’t been without a lot of prayer and thinking through what I know God wants of me overall.

I also mentioned that “feeling” peace is not necessarily the result of a right decision-even a decision God has made clear.

The right decision is the right decision.

The peace that God provides passes understanding, therefore we can’t define it. But we know when we have it. Knowing we’ve made the right decision results in a quiet confidence. A quiet confidence that God has done the leading and we have done the following.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m disappointed my plans had to be cancelled. I was so looking forward to relaxing in the sun. Collecting shells on the beach. Reading one book after another. Walking the beach and listening to the waves. My mom is not going to change but my anger with her over the past few days has been wondrously replaced with a warm and tender love. With all my frustration with her, I love her deeply and want only the best for her.

As I fell asleep last night, I reminded myself of Proverbs 3:5 & 6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.”

He did.

I knew this morning what my decision would be.It came as easily as deciding between coffee with cream or without. (It’s always without.) It kind of surprised me in it’s quick acceptance in my heart. I didn’t fight against it. It was simply the right decision and needed no more thought.

God is so good. When we ask for wisdom, he gives it. We may take many detours to find it. We may have to muddle through many options. We may take one path of thinking only to turn around and take another less traveled. It may seem as if God’s playing with us. We feel like a hamster on a wheel that God keeps turning. But if we hang in there, the wheel stops and we can get off.

I hope the only decisions I have to make for awhile are whether or not I’ll wear the red sweater or the black one.

how do we know?-part two


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how do we know?-part two

This is a quick follow-up.

I just want you to know that my decision-making process has begun all over again because of new developments.  Developments that took me by surprise and threaten to completely mess everything up.

Remember I said in the last post that I was counting on God to make it clear if I am to change course. I should’ve added that it’s sometimes hard to know if God is telling us to change course or if it’s the enemy’s (you can call him what you want) way of causing us to doubt what God has revealed.  This can be very difficult to figure out.

There are some who would say otherwise but I try to avoid contact with these people as they are generally living with their heads in the clouds.  It would be wonderful if life were easy to figure out. Maybe for some people it is. Their life is easy, without conflict and things just fall into place. My life is not like that right now-not all.  It’s complicated. Very. And just a few hours ago, it got a lot more complicated.

So how will I know now what to do? I have a very narrow window in which to make a decision.  I’m honestly not trying to be vague.. But the details of what’s happening in my life or yours are not as important as discussing this whole business of decision-making overall. It needs to be general enough to help everyone.

I can tell you this much. There is a very manipulative person in my life trying to call the shots.  But if I’m aware of that, you ask, why can’t I just move on? Well, this same person is very elderly and not emotionally stable having suffered severe depressive episodes their entire life. Our decision is whether we leave on a trip tomorrow or not. If I had days to write and you had days to read, I still wouldn’t be able to explain it all to you. It’s that involved.

So once again I’m on my knees, if only figuratively. This morning the decision was made to go. We’ve rented the car. We’ve stopped the mail. We’re completely packed. Are you getting the picture? Now I’m having to reconsider. But I’m very proud of the fact that once again wisdom has been provided and once again I’m on the right track in my thinking. Tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment will seal the deal one way or the other.

I am so hoping this will now be an easy decision to make but if history with this person is any indication, it won’t be. This is leading me to make a final point about decisions. A decision that is right for us may not feel that way to someone else. What do we do if our decision is going to cause pain? It depends on the pain and whose going to feel it, doesn’t it?

Whose pain is going to be greater? Why does it even have to be about their pain or ours?  I didn’t realize until I started to post tonight that this is what this decision is all about. Their pain or mine? I can handle a lot. I have a track record that proves it. But I may be at the end of how much pain even I can endure.

So here I am tonight. Not looking forward to tomorrow. Knowing there’s no way, no matter what decision I make, that I’m going to come out on top. Finally, God knew all this was going to happen so he must have a plan. Tomorrow it will unfold. I am trusting God will once again put a stumbling block in the way if going ahead with our trip is wrong. If he doesn’t I’m going to assume it’s still a go. God is not a God of confusion. Scripture is clear about that. If I’m confused tomorrow about what to do, it will be my own confusion that I must muddle through.

how do we know?


IMG_1160how do we know

……..when we’re making the right decision?

Sometimes, it’s so easy. Our thinking, our circumstances, God’s direction all fall plainly into view. We just know. I love times like that. I’ve always found decisions easy to make for the most part. I take the view, that making a decision is usually better than making no decision at all.

But then there are those times, like right now, when I’ve exhausted every possible avenue in my “tired of thinking it through” mind. I’ve thought through every possible angle, read every possible  Scripture verse that applies, been praying for days. I’ve decided one way and then another and found justificationion to support both opposing views. I’ve felt great peace and then no peace. When I made my final final decision, my hubby asked me, “Are you sure?” 

(Sure? Are you kidding?)

“Of course, I’m not sure.”

There are some decisions we will simply never be sure about. Even if everything turns out o.k.  And even when it doesn’t, it may not mean we made the wrong decision. No amount of Monday morning quarter backing will make it any clearer either. That’s why sometimes we just have to make our decision and live with the consequences of our decision. When it directly impacts others, we just need to be as sure as we can.

In this case, I’ve done my  homework. I’ve  worked through  every possible scenario. Unless God makes it clear I’m heading down the wrong path, I’m going on the assumption that my decision-making process has been directed by God and my decision meets with his approval. Everyday I ask for wisdom for whatever comes my way. God promises that wisdom is ours for the asking and I sure have been asking.

I know it’s possible to convince ourselves of anything but when I look back over the decisions I’ve made over the years, I feel a certain sense of confidence in my decision-making ability. Often those of the Christian faith refer to having “peace” about their decisions. But there is such a thing as a “false” peace.  We can talk our selves right into a  feeling that mimics peace but it’s not the peace that comes from God. (Jesus, whether you consider him savior or just a great teacher said there is his peace and then there’s the peace that comes from the world.) 

The peace that comes from God is almost never accompanied by a feeling. It’s more of a quiet confidence that he is in control because you’ve asked him to be. In fact, we can be making the right decision and still be  uneasy about it . God never says doing the right thing or making the right decision will always be accompanied by positive feelings. In faith issues, we too often let our emotions get in the way. I posted a few days ago about “dizzy” emotions being a good indicator of how we’re living our lives. I don’t have any of that “dizziness” going on inside so that makes me feel good.

We’re human. Most of us try to do the right thing.  Sometimes we do.  Sometime we don’t. We can feel good with the first and we can learn from the second.  In a few weeks, I’ll know the results of my decision. Whether it was a good or bad decision I will perhaps never know. Sometimes decisions are neutral. I’ll let you know what this was all about and how it turned out.

 

more Christmas pictures


another section of shelfThese pictures are from areas in my living room.  Hopefully I’ve labeled them all.picture one secretary

This picture is fuzzy. Don’t know why.  Anyway, the snowman who’s skating ws made for me by a dear friend. You’ll see other things she’s made me as well.

The white birds are gourds I bought at a garage sale and when we remodeled, I painted them white.  They’re two of my favorite decorative objects.

skating snowman

This is a closer look at the paper maiche snowman. (Above) That’s me in the background taking the picture

paper maiche santas

I made these out of paper maiche over various types of bottles.  I’ve got some new ones under way.

atop of desk

More paper maiche figurines all hand-made by me. This is one end of the desk, the next picture is the other end.  The picture in the background is one of first and only oil’s I’ve ever painted.  I was taking out my little guys and thinking I wished I had some sort of backdrop when I remembered this painted that has been stored for years.  It was perfect.  The bright green tree is made by layering and crushing strips of aluminum foil, covering with paper maiche (I really like paper maiche, don’t I?) and then painting. 

top of desk close up

This is the other end of the scene. Next picture is a before and after of the tree I mentioned earlier.

aluminum tree

This next picture is a close up of one area of scene on top of desk.

another view of little snowman

Every year I looked forward to taking out my little guys and letting them hang around for awhile.

Next pictures will focus on the fireplace mantle.  You will see I love creating Christmas scenes.

firpelace mantle with text

Hmmm, nothing home made here. The squares in the background are mirrors.  By placing them in the back it reflects and “grows” the number ofobjects. I have plans to use some watercolor paper next year and cut them into trees and placing them at the back. That OR cutting them into house shapes. Should be really cool.  Think I saw something like this on Pinterest.

tablescape

I bought these placemats at a consignment shop.  When I saw these big stars at The Dollar Tree, I didn’t know what I was going to do with them. When I got home I sat them on the table and bingo-this is how I used them.  Next year I will probably hot glue them on the mats. 

The trees are my Anthropolgie knock off. I used my jars with lids up and lids down. They are on a red cake platter. This next picture is a close up of one of the jars.

forest in a jar

Finally, the trees on my antique cupboard. (Painted with chalk paint by the way.)

papertrees with border

These are my handmade “book” trees.  The snowman are felted wool. I wish I could find more.  The stars are wonderful glitter paper from Jo Ann’s. I glue them to a toothpick and then push it into the tree. Works like a charm.

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Remember that friend I told you about. This is another paper maiche snowman she made me. He’s about two feet tall and adorable.

breezeway b

A grouping under one of my trees.

another section of shelf

First part of shelf above doorways in my kitchen.  Christmas tree lights as well.

Next and final picture is other end of the shelf. The twig houses were handmade from another dear friend.  Gosh, I have great friends, huh?

final section of shelf

There is a big section between these last two pictures but I can’t it.  Total of seven twig houses.

Hope you enjoyed the rest of my pictures.

there was a little girl


English: Managing emotions - Identifying feelings

English: Managing emotions – Identifying feelings (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

there was a little girl

 “There was a little girl, with a little curl,

 Right in the middle of her forehead. 

When she was good, she was really, really good

And when she was bad,

She was horrid.”

That’s me in a nutshell. (Referring in this case to self-pacing.) When I’m on a roll, there’s no one with more energy than myself.  When I’m not, I’m like a limp dishrag. One of my biggest challenges is learning to pace myself. I used to think I was one of the few with this problem. But every friend I have, every person I know suffers from the same dis-ease. I write it that way, dis-ease, because it really is a case of not being at-ease with ourselves.

 It seems that the people who pace themselves well are almost always comfortable with themselves. They’re not trying to prove anything to anybody. I can’t imagine being comfortable with myself although every once in a while I am.  Like when circumstances conspire together in such a way that I find myself in a role I’m uniquely qualified to play.  I pace myself better at these times. I’m just more at ease.  It doesn’t happen often though.

Pacing has nothing to do with personality types. Some people are very “quick”. They move fast, they talk fast, they think fast.  They’re just fast.  Then there are those who move slow, talk slow, think slow. They’re just slow.  Don’t be deceived. The turtle-types are not inherently better at pacing than are the jack-rabbits. It just looks that way.  Pacing has much more to do with what’s going on inside than what we see on the outside.

Why is pacing even important? How do we realistically pace ourselves in a healthy way? 

Why pacing is important. Pacing ourselves is important because if we don’t we open ourselves to severe mood swings which are detrimental if you suffer or are prone to depression.  Having some margin in our lives is good for everyone.  None of us function well when we maintain a hectic pace. Our emotions will reflect this frenzy and will be all over the place.  Our emotional swings are much like the vertigo from which many people suffer but in this case it’s our emotions that get “dizzy” not just our head.     

So how do we pace ourselves well?  I can’t cover all bases but a jumping off place might be in recognizing the connection between what we’re doing and how we’re feeling.  Think about the above mentioned “dizzy” emotions.   We can be insanely busy for awhile and still be at a comfortable pace within. We can be insanely inert for awhile and be at a comfortable place within.  It isn’t so much what we do as it is how we listen to our bodies and respond to what we do. We are all going to find ourselves at one extreme or another for while. It’s how we pace ourselves overall that is important.

There has been nothing routine about my own life for about a year now. (Lots of different reasons)  But for the most part I’ve settled back to a pace I know is healthy for me.  Sometimes it feels really selfish but I know that if I’m going to be available for the long haul for the people that I care about, I have to take care of me. Sometimes it is all about me.  I made this little craft just to remind me that’s it’s o.k.

Me tray

What is well-paced living for one person may not be well-paced for another. If you will start to pay attention to your emotions you’ll know for yourself what pace is best for you.  I’m not suggesting you trust your emotions.  Our emotions can be seriously misleading.  Mine certainly have been lately. What I am saying is that we simply pay attention to our emotions. They can be a good indicator of how we’re pacing ourselves.  When our emotions are all over the place and we feel “dizzy” inside we are usually out of sync with what is good for us.

When I sense things are like for me, I try to regain my footing. For me, it’s often remembering my favorite scripture.

“Be still and know I am God.” Psalm 46:10.

Sometimes I take each word and concentrate on it. I might repeat it throughout the day to remind myself I need to “be still”.

I breathe deeply and slowly.  I might take a brisk walk.  I have a cup of tea. I read. I sit. I pray. I meditate.  I indulge myself. (To a point, otherwise I have feeling guilty to deal with.) I have lots of tools I’ve developed in my quest for freedom from depression to regain my balance.  I’ve learned which ones work best depending on my circumstances. You probably know what works for you; you may just have not thought about it.

Take some time and ask yourself what works for you to keep you even-keeled. What can you do to live your life in moderation?  Have you ever experienced “dizzy” emotions? The answers are waiting for you. The answers to most things are waiting for us if we seek them.

 

 

 

 

open drawers and doors


 Leaving-cupboard-doors-open-507ac44d2cadf

 open drawers and doors

This is a quick post. I’m still considering my resolutions for the next year.  But something strange has been happening for a few weeks now I thought I’d share with you.  I see it as symbolic.  I see it as a way God might be trying to get my attention.  The book of Proverbs in the King James Bible concentrates on wisdom. It’s one of my favorite books and I read through it every month as there are thirty-one chapters which works out pretty convenient most months.   

Anyway, there are many verses in Proverbs that discuss how wisdom can be found anywhere and at anytime. Through anyone and through circumstances.  While most of my friends believe as I do, I’ve found God often rains down wisdom on me in the oddest ways and might I add, through the oddest people. Some who believe as I do. Many who don’t. That brings me to the title of this post.

I have found that for the past few weeks, I keep leaving doors and drawers open. Cupboard doors, washing machine doors, dishwasher doors, interior doors.  Doors in general.  I walk out of a room and when I walk back in it, there’s an open door somewhere. What’s so odd about that? Lots of people do that, don’t they?  Well, if I did it all the time, I wouldn’t think too much of it.  If it were an occasional door or drawer, I wouldn’t think too much of it.  But it’s not normal behavior for me and it’s not an occasional door or drawer.

At first, I was figured it was the holiday season and I was distracted.  But the holidays are way over. Then I just figured I was only doing it occasionally but quickly determined that wasn’t the case.  So here’s what I’ve been thinking.

Do you suppose the fact that I’m leaving doors open is some sort of God-sent subliminal message? Is God trying to get my attention?  I know this sounds weird but if God can talk to through a donkey, I guess He can talk to me through open doors.

If nothing else, it’s a sign to me that something’s up. Maybe I’m doing it to myself to alert myself to new opportunities.Doors of opportunities I’ve never considered.  Maybe I’ve shut the doors to some possibilities in my creative pursuits.  Maybe they are an unconscious prompting to try new things. Maybe the open drawers and doors are a very subtle message I’m sending to myself as a kind of “pep talk.”

What about you?  Have you ever found yourself doing something unusual and saying to , “Hmm, that’s not like me.”  But then you just move on. Maybe we need to take a closer look at the things we do or even say that are not typical of us and think them through a little. Not everything. Not all the time. But whenever you feel that just maybe Someone (even if it’s you)  is trying to get your attention.

That’s it.  Just wanted to share this little tidbit as I think it has something to do with my month of reflection and resolution making.